머리는 지운 것을 심장이 기억한다
“私はうんこ食べてがすきだ”

— “always look to the future”



I'll use this to talk about my thoughts, life, and what not

the end is beginning

So I just got back from District Convention today.

It really brings me sorrows how everything for my school work is falling behind because of me, not Key Club. I stayed steady last week, but over this weekend, I just have been so, yes, donewith everything.

I was to complete homework today, but I failed to do so. Something must be wrong with me. I think I have finally reached an epiphany to think over what homework I should go over and do first. Reading is obviously what made me fall asleep. Post DCON also caused me to act this way as well.

On top of that, I had almost everything done with for my scholarship application, however I left the packet in my hotel room I am almost sure because it is not with me.

ahhhh everything is just going down for me right now. I had ECON to do, but I did not even touch it. Tomorrow is just going to be about cramming. I can pretty much kiss my ass for appealing goodbye practically.

The back of my mind does however, tell me to not give up. I am still fighting to not just drop everything. Yes, I have gotten an acceptance from SFSU, but that does not mean I will just be fine with getting C’s and more D’s than I already have.

It’s 3am right now and I am just still here ranting. I really do not know what I am doing with my life right now (on tumblr rather than schoolwork)
It has been about a year of stress and there is more to come until the end of May. Key Club is not entirely over for me, and neither is Senior year.

I must get my head in the game. I feel like I am one of those who just talk the talk, but does not walk the walk, but I have been really trying to stick with it. My attentiveness in my Chemistry class and efforts in Government and HSB are just some of the examples I have set for myself already. -sighs- So much… so much

Posted on 14 April | 0 notes. | Reblogging this(:

welp..

It’s about 4am right know you could say. I’m not really letting myself sleep because I got myself into mess of homework. I wasn’t able to start my homework until around 11 -sighs-

I still need to do Chemistry. -_-
stupid nutrition just had to take for days gaah


Update on college stuff, well,
I’m pretty upset with me getting rejected to all schools other than SFSU because I am still waiting on a reply from them. I am likely to get accepted and go there thought. Few people from my school got accepted and Mary’s school the same. I’m really mad for Mary because of how much she excels as a student, yet she did not get admitted. I think that is complete bullshit and I know life isn’t fair, but really now? You take someone in who doesn’t do jack shit but really copies their ways through school without any extra circulars?

Mrs. Spearman once said, “It doesn’t matter how you got in, as long as you are in, that is all that matters.” I understand her, but I also believe in playing fair, and this certainly was not right. My other friend got rejected from Cal Poly and he is so smart, like what?
It’s sad that race is a part of the admitting decision. Of course it is not entirely, and whoever reads this can end up hating me more, but idc. For those who got in, but don’t deserve it, congrats you lucky bitches. I just really wish that schools like this should have something more than just application reading going on. Ughhh

It’s so lame -_- Thats almost equivalent to me being stupid at school but doing so much for my community, if that made slight sense. I’s so sad >< Happy but sad. Some people just want to go there because they just want to go there for no legitimate reason and it’s just ): for the others.

Eghh night

Posted on 25 March | 0 notes. | Reblogging this(:
  1. my room is a mess
  2. my life is a mess
  3. right now, i’m such a mess
  4. my whole family is in deep shit with taxes
  5. my family…. is sadder than they should be

I can’t … even….

Reality is so real right now.. everyone is, everything is happening. I’ve been so caught up with everything else that I can’t even take the time visit my ….

shit is getting so real. so, so real. i’m so scared for the future. i’m scared for loved ones not being around anymore, i’m scared for what is going to happen…

I’m so scared. some things are my fault, while others are just a part of life. i’m being so cliche right now but i don’t even care.

i need to leave like now. monday please come soon..

Posted on 15 March | 0 notes. | Reblogging this(:

Things to do when I am feeling down

  1. Get away from the city. Go to the beach or find a forest area to just escape from everything
  2. Sing my heart out
  3. Play my guitar
  4. Take a deep breath and review how my life has been going
  5. Forget everything, everyone
  6. Think about everything until I fall asleep
  7. Miss the feeling of being "loved" and "cared for

What is wrong with me sometimes…

Posted on 11 March | 1 notes. | Reblogging this(:

Can I please go to college away from here….

I know that everything will fall into place the way it should be… so I must wait patiently.. but I get slapped in the face with e-mails of rejections of Cal Grant.

I mean.. I guess this is what I get for having these shitty grades.. and you really need to earn your way through school….

ugh…

Posted on 05 March | 0 notes. | Reblogging this(:
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(Source: autumnsarrival, via sweetypotato)

Posted on 21 February | 219 notes. | Reblogging this(:
This week has been getting strenuous -sighs - 

So many deadlines coming up x.x 
So little sleep&#8230; it&#8217;s been hard to keep my eyes open &#8220;functionally&#8221; and be mentally alerted ): 

"SAVE ME, OH SAVE MEEEE " B.A.P &#8216;s song is stuck in my headd

This week has been getting strenuous -sighs -

So many deadlines coming up x.x
So little sleep… it’s been hard to keep my eyes open “functionally” and be mentally alerted ):

"SAVE ME, OH SAVE MEEEE " B.A.P ‘s song is stuck in my headd

Posted on 19 February | 0 notes. | Reblogging this(:

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