{머리는 지운 것을 심장이 기억한다} 借鉴,活在,憧憬明天

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"Eat better. Run more. Squat more. Sleep earlier. Wake up earlier. Make a good breakfast. Drink water. Eat fruits. Read books. Adventure. Talk less. Listen more. Feel deeper. Love better. Open your eyes. Experience life. Be happy."
-my motivation to be happy. (via insignificantttt)

(Source: kindlyfading, via slim-and-svelte)


truth

I don’t miss you, but I miss the feelings of the warmth, comfort and carefree. It really does get shitty when I pretty much have no friends nearby who I can hang out with, talk to, laugh with and make jokes with. It feels so lonely living here. I’m glad I am starting work again to be a little more preoccupied

People wonder why I don’t get tired talking to random people when I can’t even meet anyone interesting in this county. I refuse to make friends at my school because I hate it there that much. Sounds like a lame pathetic excuse but think what you want.

I can’t believe I stay awake just to think about how shitty everything is for me because I make myself live this way -_-

KO-ed

I’ve been feeling really out of it, and I’m not sure why….

These past 3-4 days I’ve felt myself falling behind with my motivation to be ahead in my classwork, and now I’m so behind..

I have a Econ Test Tuesday and I’m really worried about it. My head hurts from the excessive reading that I’m doing right now.
Maybe I’m not going to read all of it like I have been doing since it’ll just take more time that I don’t necessarily have.
I only wanted to read all of it so I can gain more knowledge, but it’s beginning to be too much for me.

/sighs

I’ve tried everything to relax my brain.. besides play on my guitar… I guess i’ll try that. My mind is so stuck to this unproductive mode right now that I can’t seem to do that much u_u

Self- Exploration

So I have separated myself with people a lot these past few weeks and have really gotten to know more about myself.
I can see myself definitely growing more as a person, and having a more different view in life.

It’s really strange how you would think you think you know yourself pretty well, then shit happens and boom, you’re a whole new different person.

I feel like some kind of catalyst made me change at a much faster rate. It’s so weird to think about the more I look into it.

The people who knew me from a few months back would be so surprised with the me now.

Luckily this change is for the better. I’ve always held myself at a higher standard, but I didn’t know it got to be a little bad. I am definitely dreaming big for myself in terms of goals that I would like to accomplish. Not really sure if that’s a good thing, but I know that it is definitely possible to accomplish.

CC Life makes things pretty lonely for me, but I’m grateful for being able to have some social life here and there as well as friends to talk to. It makes things a lot more manageable 

I hate it here so much
things are getting so unbearable
the longer I’m in this house, the more I am rotting in fucking misery

I’m not even pms-ing so I know it’s getting really bad.

Mark my words because I am NEVER coming back once I leave for good. You can talk all the bullshit you fucking want for all I care
I’m not going to take care of your sorry asses forever and you’re going to regret how much shit you put me through you dumb bitches

I’ve never disrespected my parents so much before up until now. I’m tired of all this shit I need to go through as I am falsely reminded every waking day how I don’t matter, how I can’t make it in the future, how I am going to fail school, how I don’t help the family at all and the list just goes ON AND ON.

I’ve said it before that I was not going to let it bother me, and I need to keep reminding myself that I’ll be gone in three LONG MONTHS OFF HELL 

The worst part of all of this is that I have no one that can be here for me. Friends can only do so much/be so close to you…

I am grateful for some of the ones who have given me the support and have tried to be there for me.

I need to find it within myself something that will help me get through this bullshit because it’s getting to the point where I can’t even do my schoolwork

hate

it really pisses me off how I have to do all shit shit for my dad when he is fully capable doing it himself

don’t give me that bullshit excuse that you work two jobs when you’re on your iPad and have 4 hours to yourself when literally have to TAKE TIME OFF MY NEVER ENDING TO DO LIST in order to fulfill your god damn needs


I better get some of the money for this shit